


The Joyride

by donotspeaktomeofdragonfire



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: College, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV First Person, space college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 08:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11687841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donotspeaktomeofdragonfire/pseuds/donotspeaktomeofdragonfire
Summary: Written in first-person, told colloquially, as if Strife were just telling a great story.Someone asked Strife, "What's an adventure you've been on?" So he tells you about this one time, back in space college, when he and Xephos decided to hotwire another student's car...





	The Joyride

See, uh, I'm trying to think of something worthy of the name, um, "adventure."

And what I've come up with is this time Xephos and I took -- we decided we were going to grab a car for a joyride, like whatever, we're seniors, we're past the point of caring. So we scope out the cruisers, pick one that we thought belonged to a freshman, because, y'know, even in a space utopia seniors are dicks. Well,  _ we _ were. We were fuckin' nerds but we were dicks.

So we pick this car out and I, uh, rig it? Hack it?

Hotwire. Sure. Sorry, I just don’t always know the slang. I learned languages in school but some bits are still so weird to me.

So we nab this car, go cruising and sun-bombing even. Didn't get a scratch on it, got a little radiation but uh, we're in the middle of fucking space, everything gets radiation. And we go get dinner at a space diner and we're, well I was going to say we were horny teenagers but no, we were young adults. No real excuses. But yeah, we decide of course we're gonna go necking. Parking, you know? It's when -- yeah.

So we got jizz all over the backseat of this shitty red car. Not a car. Personal cruiser. Like a 3-person max starship. So yeah. But we get jizz all over the car and I swear that's what saved our lives. Sounds wild, right? But I’ll hold to that.

Because we decide to get it washed before we return it. Inside and out, all nice and buffed. And you ask, I mean you didn't ask, but how do we pay for this, y'know? Well, by this time I had already made a shit-ton of money through fraud and, and legitimate tutoring too. I'm frankly pretty smart, y'know. So I had made some money, not a problem to get this shitty car scrubbed out.

Well, that's what ends up saving our lives.

Because as we pull in the goddamn dean is standing there. And it was the dean's car, their daughter was just borrowing it, that's why we thought it was a freshman's car. So we’re plastered in our seats and Xephos is already halfway to apologizing but I come up with  **the best plan ever.** Like nothing I say will ever top this.

I kick Xephos in the shin and I turn to the dean and I say, 

"Well, sir, how do you like it! We got it taken out for a wash and a buff, and doesn't it look good!"

Xephos is practically gaping at me. Just no one in that room right then can handle a word of what I just fuckin' said. And I said, I told them, "See, we noticed -- it was Xephos who mentioned something first --"

And Xephos snaps out of it at the mention of his name, starts bobbing his head like a damn bird, like he's going to be the one to blow this cover if he shows any more enthusiasm. And this whole time we're still behind the wheel. I was. But we're still sitting in the damn ship. So I keep powering through because god damn if that's not a power move I don't know what is, just bluffing through this in the front seat of the dean’s goddamn car. 

So I say, "We noticed that everyone kept playing pranks, especially our year, the seniors, I mean y'know, it's getting near the end of the school year and everyone's getting antsy." I stare into the dean's face like I'm staring down the face of death. And I tell him, I bared my teeth and I, I told Death: "So, we decided to take your car out for a wash! We had it scrubbed and brushed and waxed, the whole nine yards." And I am thanking every god in the vicinity that that little red cruiser doesn't smell like jizz. Because I would have fucking died. But this, this I can bluff through because there's no evidence. 

So I say, "To make up for all the pranks! We wanted to do something nice for you." And here, I think I stepped too far and pushed my luck but thank god my luck held. I fuckin' said, "Maybe it could even become a tradition, to do something nice for the dean senior year, to say thanks for all the years." I fuckin' hate myself for saying that, that was CLEAR bullshit, all the rest is just cloudy bullshit. 

But he's nodding. The dean is fucking nodding. He's still clearly pissed but the evidence is on my side, come on jury! He's got a washed car in front of him, and I'm telling him he's got a washed car in front of him. So all the evidence lines up even if he smells bullshit. And we get out of the car and Xephos follows my lead, still got that deer-in-the-damn-headlights look. And the dean looks at him and I'm sure he's going to get us busted, I mean Xeph is a smart kid but when it comes to school, he's terrified of getting in trouble, it's like hellfire to him. He's better about shit now. But this whole sort of thing, where it’s not just  _ me _ going and doing some wild shit, it’s  _ him _ too, it’s still fairly new to him. So I figure he’s going to crack.

But then and there was the moment I knew I was absolutely head-over-heels in love with this guy. Because he stands there and the dean's staring him down like the face of the Devil himself. And Xephos, beautiful fuckin' wonderful Xephos with his pretty face and his near-perfect grades and his AP classes and scholarships and near-perfect record, he is no longer a damn deer in the headlights. He has realized that the dean is not the devil, the devil is right next to him and I'm on his side and WE are about to pull the con of this whole damn year if he can get his shit together.

So he gets his shit together and he earns that Command Red. That's, y'know, the three tracks: I was in engineering, Xeph was in command. And I swear to god he earned it that morning.

I mean it would have worked if he'd just parroted me! But no. He's seen the devil and the devil's on his side and he's going to take my luck and slam dunk it into the end zone. 

So he says, "Yes sir, it was my idea. Or I mentioned it first. I'm very sorry if we caused any... frustration, or confusion. But as you can see, well, the cruiser is as beautiful as new, and I hope you like it? But really, we got back just in time before our first morning class, over in building Theta, and we've got to scoot." So in one fell swoop, let me lay out just how genius he was. In that one whole thing, he first takes part of the blame, apologizes without apologizing for, y'know, taking the cruiser out in the first place, then points out the evidence -- the clean cruiser -- right there in front of the eyes of the judge and jury, thank you. And he tops it all off with an excuse to get the hell out of there. 

And then if that weren't enough he hits the whole thing out of the ballpark with the last bit. And everyone's just staring at him, and the dean is looking between us, but Xephos holds up his end, grits his teeth, and pushes us right through it.

So he ends the whole thing off with the cheekiest thing I've ever heard, he says:

"Thank you, sir, for all you've done for us and for our school over the past few years. You've been a huge influence on my life and I wanted to do something to say thank you for that. I know I'm no valedictorian, but I hope you'll accept my thanks." And he dips his head and becomes a fucking hero.

And they keep telling me, y'know, oh, Xephos became a hero when he picked up a sword, this rugged scarred sonofabitch, y'know?

But no, nah, this is what I'm seeing here, he's got a fucking halo above his head, like me they've been trying to catch me with evidence for the past couple years, but he's got a near spotless record, his hair all regulation short back then, in slightly rumpled command student red and grey -- because we'd just been fucking in that goddamn little red ship, y'know -- his jaw set hard against everything he's been trying to do. Like we could have just said, "oh, so sorry sir, we just took it out for a joyride, not a scratch on her sir, don't expell us, please," and begged for our lives, but no, we're here and we're here, this is where wits are tested and bravery is honed and this here, staring down the goddamn dean in the middle of a shippark on a space station in senior year of college, THIS is where heroes are made. This is where that spark in his eyes turns into a fire.

So the dean takes a deep breath and I can feel our lives hung in the balance. And down comes the judgement day, hammer on the anvil, this is where our lives are decided. Because of course the dean knows what we've been doing. There's no way he couldn't have. But this lies not in whether or not we're guilty, but in how much he WANTS to believe us. And this is where our lives hang, especially because we're seniors. Because especially after Xeph buttered him up so goddamn much, is he gonna want to see us as another success story on some starship someday -- Xeph could make captain -- or are we gonna get kicked out and have that on our record? Is he gonna make us into criminals? Vagabonds? With our knowledge of Starfleet we could be dangerous if we turn traitor.

So the dean takes this big goddamn breath and Xephos says his heart stopped just then, before the judgement day, but mine was pumping with crazy adrenaline, like I've never been more alive in my life and I'm also crazy horny after this too. It's the best feeling I've ever known in my life and I'm still chasing my bliss, y'know?

I found god that day and he was us. That sounds stupidly poetic, sorry. It was just, the wildest, most exhilarating thing ever. It felt like there was absolutely no way this was going to wrong, because we’d put ourselves out there so much, and the universe is going to catch us as we jump off this ledge.

The dean looks at us and looks at the car and he makes a decision. He fucking lets us go. Like there's that look in his eyes that means he knows what we were actually doing but he also knows all that shit I was saying before, yeah? So he stands there and I think maybe he was even braver than we were in that moment because he looks Xephos in the eye and says:

"Thank you. It's much appreciated. I'm proud of all your achievements this semester and across all of your college career. I hope you take this opportunity to -- to think about how you want your life to go. " Like he's saying a lot there, he's saying "think about what you've done" and "think about your life choices" and "think about the company you're keeping" -- meaning me, you know. But no, he just says, "think about how you want your life to go." And he stares Xephos down.

But he remembers that Xeph said we had to make it to our morning class. Our fictional morning class, mind you, he just pulled that out of his ass. So the dean says his piece and says "I guess you've got to get to your morning class. The earliest classes start in about five minutes, so yes, you got in just in time. Hike." And he waves us off and my damn rabbit heart wants to bolt but Xephos is a wolf, a hero, and he looks the dean right back into the eyes and holds out his fucking hand to shake. Like if I was the devil before, now here he is, making a fucking deal, a silent deal with our dean. 

And he seals the deal. That's why I keep saying he's the one who brought us into the endzone, I may have started the running but he brought us home and saved our hides that day. Saved my hide. We could have gotten off with me taking all the blame and he would just be reprimanded for keeping bad company, like I said, they'd been trying to get me for a couple years now on fraud and what have you. 

But the dean shakes his hand and silently agrees to drop it, for all our sakes. 

And Xephos saunters off, and I tag along behind him. He's all straight back straight shoulders like they teach them in Command, jaw set like stone and a fire in his eyes. And we go. We just go back to our dorm. And the dean, he could have looked up where we're supposed to be, if we were in the class and all, but Xephos shook hands with him and made that fucking deal.

So yeah. That's the most of it. And we went back to our dorms and I'm like talking the whole time like "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID THAT HOLY SHIT I LOVE YOU" and he's just power walking back, totally silent. And we get to our rooms and he falls face first onto my bottom bunk and SCREAMS into the pillow. He sounded like he was just fucking dying! And I roll him over and he's laughing not like funny laughing but like crazy laughing, like we just leaned out into nothing, stepped out there and almost died! And he's just screaming with laughter and he can barely pull together words, like "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE JUST DID THAT" and I start laughing and we're like crying, and I fall down over him and -- uh, yeah. We skipped all our classes that day, just took the whole day off and spent it in bed, y'know. It was crazy. Whole school knew about it the next day.

And that's, y'know now that I tell it out it's not, not quite as grand of an adventure, but it was a hell of a lot of fun. And, and yeah. A lot of fun, and we were young and in love and that makes it all the better.

He's a hero, I tell you, a damn hero.

**Author's Note:**

> Like Xephill? Come talk to me @froggylee! And come see my playlists, including one specifically for Space College!


End file.
